One of my more recent and much-loved projects I've been working on is a Windows XP laptop, which I've been slowly sculpting into something reflective of how my computer would have been during my teens, back in the 2000s. Plus a little bit of current-day me and some quality of life improvements.

The aforementioned laptop atop a bedside rolling table.

Let's start with a little history. This was my first ever laptop, which my late stepfather bought for me over ten years ago as a distraction-free space to work on writing away from my desktop computer. He was very supportive of my writing and wanted to do what he could to help me continue pursuing it, but I struggled to work on my desktop with all the distractions. Due to a few unfortunate reasons, I wound up in a ten-year "pit" where I didn't write at all minus jotting down ideas here and there. But that time away allowed me to grow into a better storyteller.

Though, that's digressing into another subject entirely. During the time I wasn't writing, this laptop just became a back-up in case something went wrong with my desktop computer. (And at one point it had! Horribly so!) It was also something my brother could use during a period when he had no computer access, and was something I could plop on my sister and my laps while she was visiting so that we could play old games together in comfort.

A (poor) zoom out of the rolling table, plus a stack of TBR manga and a basket full of 90s/early 00s anime and game magazines.

Around 2018/2019, despite my improvements, the laptop was struggling to run Windows 7. And one day, I said to myself, "What if I downgrade this to Windows XP and make it into a time capsule of sorts?" So that's precisely what I did. I wasn't writing anyway, so I backed up whatever files I still wanted and completely formatted the hard drive for a fresh install.

But I still didn't do much with it once Windows XP was up and running. I installed some older computer games on there for my sister and I, but there wasn't much point after she moved back to the state and we didn't have the overnight stays that we used to. That's when I got the idea to start customizing it in different ways.

This extra Xenosaga mouse pad I had was a perfect fit. Unfortunately, my old laser mouse we see here doesn't like it even after applying a paper texture, so I may need to invest in a mouse that's slightly more recent.

It started with the desktop wallpaper, which had been the classic "Bliss" from the point of installing until I undertook this project in 2020, after I got a brand new writing laptop. So I thought, what would have been relevant to me around the time I was using my old Windows XP computer? Xenosaga Episode I, of course! That whole series was my entire life for a few years in the 2000s!

For a time I had also set a window and button appearance that was more like Windows 2000/ME, as that was more like Windows 98 — another OS I have nostalgia for. But I had downloaded a Win98 icon pack to change a few things around, because apparently having the My Computer icon facing to the left and not the right is very important to me. I mean, they're also just different icons in general, but it was definitely me nitpicking. But despite that effort, I eventually grew tired of the Win98 look and changed the windows and buttons back to the Windows XP style.

A better shot of the desktop itself. It's loaded almost entirely with software I used back in the 2000s, with some exceptions. And yes, MSN Messenger does work, courtesy of escargot.chat.

After I got the desktop wallpaper and windows looking just right, I delved into setting up more games. I began with emulation, as that was the essence of "PC gaming" for me for the longest time, minus DOS games. I never had a relevant computer until I was in my 20s, so most of my gaming was done on home consoles and handhelds.

I went the extra mile for "authenticity" with this one, looking for versions of emulators that would have been current around 2003. (I reference this year a lot, as it was a major turning point in my life, for better and worse.) I can't remember if all the console/handheld emulators I have on here are the versions from that time, but I know at least snes9x is actually older than that. I had been using a version from probably 2000/2001 for the longest time and just had a distinct memory of its interface as opposed to later versions. A part of me wanted to see that again, so that's what I went with.

Just looking at this makes me feel like I've traveled back in time.

As far as ROMs went, I drew a hard line not to load anything more than what I would have had while I was in high school, and there's two reasons for this. One is that the hard drive is limited to around 32 GB, and the other is that I can count at least five other devices in my home that have every ROM and ISO loaded to it that I've ever be interested in. I don't need yet another one.

But computer games were a different story. I have an external USB hard drive attached that has just about every DOS, Apple II, PC-98, MSX, etc. game that I'm interested in loaded onto it. Also a few edutainment Windows games from my childhood, because those are always fun to revisit. And loading them from the external is no problem whatsoever, so they can just stay on there.

MMOs work, too! I never played anything other than Dark Ages and Endless Online when I was in my teens, neither of which have issues running. Internet use on here is also extremely limited for security sake.

After I had set up enough games, I moved on to music. I've always had varied genre interests and that's absolutely more so as I've gotten older. But again, the hard drive space is very limited, so I couldn't load every song I listened to back then, and definitely not all in 320 kbps. I had to pick and choose, and downgrade the quality to 128 kbps.

Then I also had to decide which songs I wanted. I could transfer over everything that I listened to regularly back then, but not everything I was into at that time is still something that I enjoy. I simply grew out of them and have no desire to listen to them again. So instead, I chose to get a bunch of those gamerips that are really small file sizes, plus a bunch of Japanese music that I still enjoy today. Additionally, I added songs I learned about years after the fact, but had existed during my teens.

RPG Maker was a huge part of my childhood, especially RM2k and 2k3. Even if I never make any projects with them, I had to have them installed. Even RM95, which I love despite challenging my patience!

Music was done. Now it was time to think about images. Well, I had tons of pictures saved back then with barely any of the sorting I use now. Not to mention that at that time, JPG was still widely used versus PNG. Images were lower quality, which meant they took up less space. It was all a bit more effort than I wanted to put forth at the time, so I opted to just save some 1024x768 wallpapers for game and anime series from that time that are relevant to me regardless of when I got into them.

And that's... pretty much where I left it. I haven't revisited finding images to save to the laptop, mainly because all the sites I used to use either updated to newer, better resolutions that I'd have to downsize anyway, or the sites outright don't exist anymore. I also used to save pictures from a lot of fanart collection sites, which I have very mixed feelings about now. Not to mention that when I start up the WinXP laptop, it's either to play games or put on some music as I read/do mundane stuff in a console or handheld game. I'm not really looking to browse pictures that are a lower quality and resolution than the ones I have saved on my desktop computer.

Terranigma running on that old versions of snes9x. This game was amazing to me when I first discovered it, and still have a huge soft spot for it today.

I would say that mostly, the laptop is pretty much where I want it to be now. Occasionally I'll add some more MP3s, maybe tweak the game folders on the external hard drive. (There are games I put on there that I was once interested in, but now realized no, not really.) I could get away with loading up more onto the laptop, as I still have roughly 13 GB left, but I've always liked to keep a good amount of free space. Probably for the same reason I won't touch items like Ethers or Elixers in RPGs until I'm literally at the final boss, of which I over-grinded for anyway and don't need the items for because it's dead within minutes.

That was a very specific example. The point is that I'm content and don't feel like I need to fill that remaining space. Maybe I'll throw some walkthrough .txts on there, though. And the Best of Microsoft Entertainment Pack! But aside from those, who knows what will stand out to me a few years from now that I'll want to toss on there? Assuming the laptop is still running fine by then, of course. The most I've done for it is install more RAM, and there are definitely some quirks showing that the poor thing is aging. The disc drive barely functions, the CMOS battery is dead, and the main battery can only hold a charge for 30 minutes.

DOS games running well, thanks entirely to DBGL. I'm too much of a baby brain to run DOSBox on its own. Game is Dune (1992).

There's something so comforting about using this little laptop from time to time, even for an hour. Maybe I'm visiting a game for a few minutes, or playing some music. But with it so disconnected from the biggest distractions of the past decade and a half, it really gives me a moment to just... appreciate a reconstructed window into the life I used to have. The things I was passionate about, mingling with some new additions.

And for as much as I critique the culture and exploitation around 80s/90s/00s nostalgia especially, I won't even try to deny that it's important to me, too. Because it really is. And though while I've gotten a better grasp on my life as I've gotten older (30s > 20s, by far), some days I just need to be taken back to a time when my only major concern was whether or not I'd done my homework that weekend and whether or not I actually cared if I hadn't.

PC-98 games running well, too. Had to include this one because that title screen exudes some queer energy. Game is Akatsuki no Bizantira (暁のビザンティラ, 1994).

I realize that without proper maintenance, this laptop may not survive all that much longer. I'd absolutely love to have an XP computer that's as up to speed as it can get, but honestly, my experience with upgrading modern computers is already limited. Knowing where to look for old parts and software might as well be like navigating a maze. But I want to sit down one day and figure it all out, as this laptop isn't just a fun pet project. It's also one of the last major gifs that I received from my late stepdad. It may not be what he intended it for, but he'd understand it was now just too outdated for what I needed it for and would be happy I was still using it at all (and had a relevant laptop for writing work).

Once I've moved in with my spouse and we live somewhere where we have the space for it, I'd love to get one of those narrow computer desks on wheels, similar to something that my mom, sister, and I had when I was a little kid. Compact just feels right for something like this, and I even have one picked out that I hope I can get. Or at least something similar to it.

Look at this thing. It looks rickety as shit, but god I want it.

I have another corner in my room with an old TV and all my old consoles, with a shelf of anime DVDs beside it. My ideal setup would be to have these two "spaces" side-by-side in a sort of ultimate time capsule of comfort. Hopefully this old tech can hold out that long, but I've already braced myself for that not being the case and just setting up decent alternatives. After all, some of those consoles have been showing their age the past few years, and I'm running out of patience for aging tech problems.

I certainly don't expect to still be using this laptop or all my old consoles twenty years from now, but it sure would be awesome if I was. And speaking of that TV and console corner, maybe I should make a post about that sometime, too...